Warning: This post is slightly more personal, but I feel it's important to share real struggles of this industry and how to get through them.
At the very beginning of November I was let go from my job.
It's been over a month and the sting still feels fresh. It even hurt to type it out a little. Probably because I dreamed of working for that company since graduating college, or because it happened out of the blue and was completely unexpected. Either way, corporate cuts happen and my name was drawn from the hat. Not literally, but when you're one of the most recent hires on an over-served client you're likely the first on the chopping block.
What's worse was the time of year. Right before the holidays, no one else is hiring. They acted like they were doing me a favor giving me 2 measly weeks severance, but they knew they were releasing me knowing the likelihood I would find a job before Christmas was impossible. Budgets haven't been passed and frankly, no one wants to do the whole interview process right before their time off. Sure there'll be a surge in January of new hires, but what's to say the same thing won't happen again.
To say my faith is shattered is an understatement.
I relentlessly pursued my goal to work there for literally years. I interned, freelanced and finally my opportunity to really join the team came and after just 6 months it was gone. As much as I tell myself it wasn't personal, it's hard to not see if that way. It leaves you wondering things like, "Why did they let me go and not someone else?" or "How could this happen? This is my dream job." Those were the exact thoughts that entered my mind, but after so many of my colleagues reached out to tell me it wasn't my fault I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Bashing your old company will never help you succeed somewhere else and after thinking long and hard, I know I'll be okay - but the anxiety still exists. Sometimes I wonder on interviews if they're thinking, "Why did they let her go? Was she bad?" and it eats me up. For a while it was a key player in deteriorating my confidence, but pushing through is the only way to get past it.
Now what am I doing? After continuously pushing to get past what felt like an endless rabbit hole of sadness, I updated my resume and applied everywhere I could think of. It feels like everyone in the Tri-State area has seen my resume and even though I didn't get the full-time security I wanted right away I found a great job freelancing and getting the chance to hone my digital skill set.
Why am I babbling to you about this? Because it's important.
It's important to know sometimes there are things that are out of your control and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I looked back and found out people that had been at that company for 9 years were let go, and I was only there 6 months. I can't even imagine being in that situation and I pray that neither of us ever are.
Things get better. They do and it feels like at the time they never will, but they do. It's just a matter of how long you can keep your head above water.